Internet – Resource or Danger to a Child in
Recovery
By Brian J. Bulemore, MA, CADC III,
WFR
Not too long
ago, checking up on your child often meant making sure your
child was home on time and limiting his or her time on the phone
that was plugged into the wall. In these days of lightning-fast
technological advancements, keeping up with the myriad of ways
kids are communicating can be difficult, even overwhelming, for
parents.
The Internet
and its monumental growth and place within our culture has
spawned technologies such as chat rooms, instant messaging
services, music downloading, file sharing programs, online
journals (weblogs or “blogs”), and online social communities.
The Internet has all of the characteristics of a virtual city or
community—libraries, entertainment, arts, government, commerce,
and great places to visit. And, like most cities, it also has
places and people that one needs to be cautious and wary about.
Much of these
new technologies are great tools that a large majority of people
use in healthy and productive ways and are a significant
improvement towards making people’s lives easier and more
enjoyable. Unfortunately, like anything else, these tools--when
combined with less-than-healthy intent--can be put to negative
uses, sometimes with very damaging results.
Adolescents
who are struggling with issues such as addiction, low
self-esteem, codependency, criminal behaviors, and
unhealthy social relationships are at particular risk for using
these technologies in ways that can place them at risk and can
lead to increased problems and dangerous situations. For
example, those with criminal or predatory intentions can target
online social networks and teenagers may unwittingly reveal
information about themselves or family members, which could
result in either physical dangers or financial exploitation.
Moreover, Internet gambling and sports-betting is also becoming
more common among teenager computer users.
One particular
site, MySpace.com, is estimated to have over 60 million members
and is growing quickly, reportedly getting more “hits” per day
than the popular search engine Google. There have been
widespread reports of negative uses for this site, including
things such as spreading negative rumors and engaging in threats
and online “bullying” to increasing networks of substance abuse
connections and drug dealing. Instant messaging services can be
used in similar ways as can cell phones and text messages,
offering a quick and “low-profile” way of communicating, often
right under the noses of parents.
While these
dangers are certainly real and of a serious nature, problems and
negative issues can arise that are far less publicized.
For a child newly entering recovery or a family
attempting to foster and maintain healthy communication and
improved behaviors in their child, these technologies can
sometimes be a source of danger, putting stress on newly gained
and untested recovery and relapse prevention efforts.
It is
important for parents to be aware and to be monitoring their
child’s communication with others and to be active and involved
in speaking about these issues. The approach of “Johnny’s been
on the Internet in his room for the past five hours without us
checking on him” is definitely a recipe for relapse. Often we
have had parents who have discovered that their child has used
technologies like instant messaging, text messages, and online
chat rooms in very negative ways. Specific structure and
precautions in these areas will be helpful in increasing your
teens chances of successfully maintaining positive changes
following treatment or while in treatment.
Often teenagers will be resistant to
parents being involved in this aspect of their lives, citing
their “right to privacy”. It is true that adolescence is a time
of exploration and teenagers benefit from having some
appropriate degrees of trust and autonomy; it is important to
remember that limits and boundaries are necessary in this area
in much the same way parents have specific rules around more
tangible things such as curfew, schoolwork, peer relationships,
etc. This, again, can be particularly important for those who
are dealing with chemical dependency and various other issues
associated with early recovery. A child in this position needs a
parent to take a firm stance in this area and to have consistent
involvement and dialogue. This can be a prime opportunity to
practice communication skills and to engage in a healthy
parenting relationship with your child.
A specific and consistent family agreement
that applies appropriately to all children in the family will be
very useful in structuring your child’s time and use of the
Internet. It is important to talk about trust and how it is a
privilege (rather than an automatic expectation), which needs to
be consistently maintained and demonstrated. This is especially
true if your child has engaged in negative choices in the
past—trust is slowly regained by your child showing success in
following your rules. When you feel confident that your child
has proven herself, additional privileges and trust can be
given.
Here
are some basic suggested guidelines that can help families
create a healthy relationship with the Internet and other forms
of technology.
1)
Talk with your children about these issues. Stay
aware and interested in their exposure to new technology and
take time to learn along with them. Be frank and open and let
your child know that you are putting effort into this area and
that it is motivated by love and caring, rather than a lack of
faith.
2)
Understand the controls on your computer and Internet
browsing software. Many systems and programs come with
parental control settings as a standard feature. There are also
ways of monitoring and checking the history of what sites and
areas of the Internet have been visited by your child.
3)
Be reasonable and set reasonable expectations. Try
to understand their needs, interests, and curiosity. Remember
what it was like when you were their age to be curious and
believing that you could “handle anything”.
4)
Place your family computer in a “public” space in the
household. This allows basic monitoring of your child’s
activities while online and be clear with them as to why this is
important for the well-being of the family.
5)
Be open with your teens and encourage them to come to
you if they encounter a problem online. If they tell you
about someone or something they encountered, your first response
should not be to blame them or take away their Internet
privileges. Work with them to help them avoid problems in the
future, and remember--how you respond will determine whether
they confide in you the next time they encounter a problem and
how they learn to deal with problems on their own.
6)
Investigate and research computer program software
that rate web sites for content as well as those programs that
allow parents to block the types of sites they consider to be
inappropriate. Generally these programs can be configured by
the parent to block only the types of sites that the parent
considers to be objectionable. Blocking sites, preventing
certain types of information to be entered, and keeping teens
away from chat rooms or from e-mailing to certain addresses are
all precautions that can be taken. Whether or not it is
appropriate to use one of these programs is a personal decision.
You'll probably need to explain to your teen why you feel this
step is necessary. It is important to realize that filtering
programs cannot protect your child from all dangers that may be
found online. Remember, filtering programs is not a substitute
for good judgment or critical thinking.
7)
Cellular phones often have many functions that can be
utilized by parents to monitor and control activity. Family
plans and limits on usable minutes and features can be important
steps to providing structure in this area. Additionally, parents
can utilize this to model healthy and considerate cell phone
behaviors, such as appropriate times to answer and engage in
conversations.
With or without filters, kids and their parents need to be
Internet savvy and have good “online awareness”. There is no
substitute for regular connection and conversation about these
issues. Many teens are often relieved that their parents are
taking these steps and are actively helping them navigate many
of the confusing things that can happen during adolescence
(although it may be hard to get them to admit this!).
Families that are willing to discuss and tackle difficult topics
such as this, before problems arise, will be better prepared to
meet crises and issues that arise in your child’s life and his
or her use of technology.
Brian J. Bulemore, MA, WFR, CADC III
Brain began working as a lead field therapist for Catherine
Freer Wilderness Therapy Programs in 2001 and moved into the
role of supervising therapist two years later. Prior to coming
to work at Catherine Freer, Brian worked as a therapist in a
group private practice in Kalamazoo, Mich., treating adult and
adolescent populations dealing with mental health and substance
abuse issues. Brian earned his master's degree in counseling
psychology from Western Michigan University in 1999. Brian's
interests include caving, fly fishing, rock-climbing, skiing,
reading, and music.
***************
Catherine Freer Wilderness Therapy Programs
Since 1988, Catherine Freer’s wilderness therapy programs
have helped thousands of adolescents address the issues that are
causing them to struggle. The Albany, Oregon, based company
operates wilderness therapy expeditions, Santiam Crossing
School, and Oregon Transition Homes. As an employee owned and
operated company, everyone at Catherine Freer is committed to
ensuring a quality experience for each family. For more
information call (800) 390-3983 or visit
http://www.cfreer.com.
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